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I’ve now been dating a really great guy for over 2.5 years. Which brings us to the results of the survey I did last week.In the beginning I was still hung up on Bad Boy, but distraction and detox (no contact with Bad Boy) really worked. Some of you were kind enough to answer my 60-second survey question: What is the single biggest challenge you’re dealing with in dating and relationships these days?When Bad Boy reached out to me 16 months later, the addiction was genuinely dead, and I could authentically say f*** off. A’s excellent advice, detox from your Bad Boy, and if you can, find something or someone that can pull you forward into the present or the future — rather than some wistful past that you’ve idealized. If you wanted to answer but didn’t get around to it, you can do it now here.
(FYI, we have a whole chapter on this in our new book “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want“) Even the kindest, most well-meaning, most empathetic guy won’t be able to satisfy a woman who acts needy the majority of the time. I would be pretty surprised if you never had a needy guy around you. Making someone else responsible for your emotions is a key ingredient in creating a toxic relationship type dynamic, so it’s very important to guard against doing that (as well as recognize when others are doing that towards you).I spent 9 months with a “bad boy,” who managed to break up with me 4 times in just 9 months.After the 4th time I finally smartened up and focused on moving on.So I want you to know that I am putting this out there to help and inspire everyone to have more dating success, to point fingers. ” and pretty much any sentence that begins with ‘why didn’t you,’ it’s like nails on a chalkboard.I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “Why didn’t you call? Those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… I would say the core reason of this is that it attacks a guy’s sense of freedom and feeling of acknowledgment. Well, when a woman starts down this chain of “Why didn’t you…” it feels to a guy as if she isn’t noticing all of the other things he is doing for a relationship. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to want a relationship with all the good qualities: connection, chemistry, understanding, intimacy, attentiveness and on and on.
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Could you imagine what you would want to do if that needy guy was texting you right now?